Thoughts on Work-Life Balance

First of all, that’s the wrong term.

This post is brought to you by SIDEBAR: As a leader, how do you stay ahead and get that next promotion? Sidebar is a transformative professional growth platform, with a curated community of top-tier senior tech professionals (director to C-level) from the world’s best companies. Find out why 93% of members say that Sidebar has made a significant difference in their career trajectory.

---

I hate work-life balance.

Or, more specifically, I hate that term. It sets you up for failure by implying there's some magical balance or a 50-50 split between your personal and professional life. That’s just not realistic. Nobody has it. Nor is it actually desired.

Instead, I’d like to think about this as work-life prioritization: some days or weeks or even months or years, work takes the front seat. At other times, personal life and family takes priority. Trying to force a consistent, equal ‘balance’ creates unnecessary stress and guilt because the reality is that life’s priorities are always shifting.

The key is to focus on prioritizing what matters most at any given time.

Some days it’s, “I’m prioritizing my family today—my kid is sick, and work is just going to have to wait. There’s no work-life balance today. There’s only the family priority at this moment.” Some other day, you may have a high-stakes presentation at work that requires all of your time and energy. You can’t aim for perfect balance every day, but you can aim for a balance over time that works for you.

Thinking in terms of prioritization instead of balance helps you set more achievable targets and, frankly, be truthful with yourself, so you’re not constantly feeling guilty. The goal is to make these prioritization decisions weekly, daily, and sometimes even hourly, depending on the situation around you.

The Menu of Boundaries

If you’re reading this post, you do need help figuring out how to prioritize your personal life better. So many of us struggle with the question: How do you create space for your personal priorities? Especially if you work in tech, there’s always more to do. If you’re at a startup, it’s even worse. People need you! Things are constantly falling apart… The company depends on you! Not to mention, they’re the ones paying your paycheck. There’s always a sense of urgency, and someone always needs something.

If you don’t proactively create boundaries, work will take over your life because work is always going to demand more from you. It’s easy to push your family or personal life aside because work is right there in front of you, asking for your attention all the time. And then comes the guilt of not having any time for yourself, missing important moments with your kids, or damaging relationships.

My approach to this? I think about it like a menu of items you can choose from to create boundaries. You don’t need to do every single thing on the menu—actually, you can’t. But you should go through and choose what’s right for you. Depending on where you are in life, you might need more space for your personal life, you might need less. For instance: People with kids will most likely need to “order” from the menu more. If you don’t have kids, maybe you’ll want to “order” less to hit your career goals.

Either way, here’s what’s on the menu:

Option #1: Set Working Hours: Decide when you’re unavailable. It might be 5pm, 6 pm, 7pm, later. It doesn’t mean you’ll never go past those hours, but 90% of the time, stick to it and communicate to your team that you’re unavailable outside those hours.
For example, I have children, so I have to draw a hard line. I tell my team, “I’m a mom from 6 to 8pm every day and it’s non-negotiable. My calendar is blocked and I’m unavailable.” After 8pm, I’m done. My brain doesn’t function well at night, but I’ll be up and ready at 6am if needed. But that time with my kids is precious and non-negotiable.

I’ve even had CEOs request meetings past my working hours, and 9 out of 10 times, I say no. I’m polite, but firm: That’s my family time. It’s really hard to maintain that boundary because I worry people will think less of me or not include me next time. But honestly, I’ve gained more respect by holding that boundary.

Option #2: Gym time: Another big one for me is gym time. People, especially in tech, tend to sacrifice their physical health for work. But protecting that habit is one of the best things you can do for yourself (and your mental health). I go to the gym every day for an hour. That time is also non-negotiable.

My team knows, and my calendar reflects it. I’m not available during that time because that’s how I recharge and stay sane. Yes, I skip it every now and then, but it’s rare. Studies show how important physical exercise is for reducing stress and improving productivity, so it’s an investment in your ability to function at work.

Option #3: Lunch breaks: So, this is actually one I don’t do. Some people really value taking this time in the middle of their day, but I’m terrible at this: I always eat at my desk. But I’ve seen others strictly protect their lunch break, and they say it works well for them because it gives them a chance to disconnect and come back refreshed, as opposed to working 9 straight hours and burning out completely. If you work from home, this can be some key time to yourself. And this can be a great move if it allows you to reset and avoid reaching the end of your day feeling completely brain-dead.

Option #4: Travel expectations: This one is especially relevant if you’re in a remote role with frequent travel. When I first started at Dropbox, I was traveling a lot: like, 6 weeks out of my first two months. It was totally unsustainable. Fortunately, I was able to set a boundary: no more than two travel weeks per quarter. And they can’t be back-to-back, since that completely removes my ability to recover and reset with my family. 

I will say: This is something that I confirmed when negotiating my full-time role, and this may be harder to establish, once you’re already in a role. But I don’t know if enough people realize they can negotiate this.

Option #5: Pick-up/drop-off times: Another one I see a lot is scheduling blocks to do school transport for kids. In general: It seems like men are fantastic at protecting this time. They just say, “I’m picking up my kids, and that’s my time.” Women? We’re terrible at it. We feel like we don’t have the right to block that time, but these moments can be precious. 

Option #6: Pick your own: If an idea came to mind as you read this list, go for it! Although you can use my suggestions, the real goal is to find things that are important to you and protect them. That will be easier to do, if it’s something you deeply care about or it’s something that really helps you to recharge.

Accepting the Tradeoffs

It’s important to acknowledge that work-life prioritization looks different at various stages of your career. Early on, it’s common to prioritize work over everything else. I did this myself. I was consumed by my work because I loved it. It was my whole world, and it accelerated my professional growth. You do have to recognize the trade-offs: if you start prioritizing your personal life, whether it’s because of kids, hobbies, or just a desire for more balance, your career will have to adjust. Not necessarily slow down per se, but you will have to ruthlessly prioritize what you do at work to achieve the same results, because you’ll have less time—and that’s okay. It’s about making a conscious decision.

But even if you are super career-focused, there are reasons to prioritize things outside of work: I already mentioned the value of physical fitness in terms of improving your focus and longevity. A broad range of interests also allows you to work harder, for longer.

For instance, I’ve seen a lot of colleagues end up in a kind of mid-career slump: As people hit the 15-year mark or so, we often start losing relevance to newer technology or younger colleagues. If your whole identity is based on being good at your job, this can be devastating. So even if you don’t have other reasons, try investing in personal hobbies, whether it’s coaching a little league team, crocheting, or raising chickens (like me!). You need something that pulls you away from work and helps you have an identity outside of your professional role.

Setting Boundaries Is Possible for Everyone

You really can do this. I understand that, as a VP, I have a lot more control over my schedule… but it’s absolutely not true that these kinds of boundaries are only for executives or senior leaders. In fact, many people in these senior positions are even worse about setting boundaries because they feel a greater degree of responsibility for their company or colleagues. Even early in your career, you can ask for what you need. You may not always get everything, but you’ll never know if you don’t ask. 

I clearly remember the first time I asked to leave work early because my baby was sick. I was terrified. I thought I might get fired (silly, I know). Instead, my boss was so supportive! That experience taught me that I had more control over my schedule than I realized. 

Of course, you need to build relational equity first. Show that you can perform, gain trust, and then use that trust to negotiate the work-life prioritization that fits your needs. Sometimes, it’s as simple as having a conversation with your manager about expectations. And remember, the longer you stay with a company and prove your value, the more flexibility you can negotiate over time.

Final Thoughts

Work-life prioritization isn’t about finding a perfect balance. It’s about making conscious decisions based on the realities of your life at any given moment. Start with small steps—pick one or two areas where you can create space for yourself and protect it. Over time, you’ll find that this approach makes you more effective at work, more present at home, and ultimately more fulfilled in both areas.

---

Edited with the help of Jonathan Yagel—check out his awesome Substack.

---